INSECURITIES KILL

how many times have insecurities, kill everything in you?
how many times, it takes away people you love?
how many times, it caused you to push people away?

how many times, we were told we look bad in that, look bad in this?
how many times we were told to grow up, while the only thing we want is a lil bit of attention?

and do we realise, how many times, no matter how much we hated to feel insecure, we tend to make others feels the same too?

sudah 22 tahun aku hidup, aku tak boleh nafikan aku sangat insecure dengan diri aku. ketinggian aku antara sifat fizikal aku yang aku paling tak suka. paling gedik, i used to wear heels, that one time, that very first time, going to find some materials for DayDreamer's Store, there is this one makcik, look at me and whispers to her daughter and said "tudia, tingginya!" sambil jalan pandang aku. macam aku ni alien. and that very moment, for no exact or rational reason, aku rasa macam nak menangis. yes, i care about people's impression too much. i couldn't look at people that whole time. just because i am tall. (walaupun taklah tinggi mana pun, sekadar 166 cm sahaja).

dan sejak hari itu, aku tak pernah pakai heels itu lagi. never had the confidence. NEVER.

and now, insecurities juga buat aku push people away. i lost people that i love. aku sentiasa percaya dengan cinta. aku percaya dengan "kita hidup dengan pujian". lets not be in denial, we have social networks because we love attention. instagram, twitter. facebook dah lain cerita sebab fb dah jadi medium perhubungan sesama rakan kelas. we post pictures, kalau tak ada orang like, tipulah kita tak rasa down. lets take pujian itu, sebagai tanda apresiasi. every one of us like to be appreciated, hatta, pujian adalah satu medium menyampaikan apresiasi, lalu,

more compliments = less insecurities.

ini juga adalah penjelasan sifat aku yang suka memuji orang. if i find you pretty (which is every single of you), i will say you are pretty. i just love seeing people feels good about themselves, which in turn buat aku rasa down sebab dunia ini dipenuhi dengan orang yang terlalu cantik. cantik rupa, cantik budi, cantik bahasa, paling cantik, cantik agama. teori bangang aku ni tak guna juga kadang-kadang sebab aku sendiri dah ter-musnah dalam hidup aku sendiri. haha.

so, if you have something to say, say it. say it right in the person's face, YOU ARE SUBHANALLAH, SUPER PRETTY! - before it's too late.


insecurities killed. aku sendiri tengah mencuba membasuh hati aku dari mendengki dekat orang lain. sebab apa?


sebab tidak dikurniakan setiap kelemahan dengan sebuah kelebihan. babysteps.



titatiktok
i don't know where are all these words came from. i guess its the aftermath of caffeine, cough syrup and sugar rush. serious aku rasa tingtong. ambil yang baik, yang buruk sila komen dan betulkan. wallahualam.